You Can’t Please Everyone: Why It’s So Hard for School Leaders
- 9 hours ago
- 2 min read
Especially now, as December reminds us how human this work really is.
December has a way of clarifying things. The early-year optimism has worn thin, the pace feels relentless, and the decisions get harder. It’s often around now that one truth becomes unmistakable: you can’t please everyone.
Most of us know this. Yet it still lands hard — and for school leaders, it can feel personal.
That’s because nearly all of us began as teachers. We were trained to help, support, reassure, and create conditions where people feel successful. Those instincts didn’t vanish when we stepped into leadership; they came with us. So when a decision unsettles or disappoints someone, it can feel like we’ve violated something essential about who we are.
And here’s an important truth: your instinct to please comes from a deeply human place.
According to evolutionary psychologists, humans are wired for belonging. Approval-seeking, conflict-avoidance, and the urge to maintain harmony once helped us survive in groups. One recent study even calls these tendencies “evolutionary mechanisms favoring group belonging and social cooperation.” (Falkenstein & Prohaska, Journal of Intelligence and Responsibility, 2023.)
So if these moments feel uncomfortable, it’s not because you’re doing something wrong. It’s because your wiring is doing exactly what it was designed to do.
But leadership asks us to do something incredibly difficult: feel that discomfort and still lead with clarity. To care deeply without letting the desire to please steer the work. To choose what serves the mission — even when it doesn’t land well with everyone.
Leadership isn’t asking you to stop caring. It’s asking you to anchor your decisions in purpose rather than popularity.
Here’s the real takeaway:
Your discomfort isn’t a sign that something is wrong — it’s a sign that you care.
You’re human — built for belonging, wired for connection — and still choosing to lead with intention. That combination isn’t a liability. It’s your strength.
The work is learning to let your humanity inform your leadership, without letting it dictate your choices.
And if you’re working through these moments and want a thought partner, The Leader Network is here. Our coaching and leadership support are built around helping school leaders navigate the human side of leadership — with clarity, courage, and care. You don’t have to do this alone.
Did you find this post useful?
Subscribe to The Leader’s Lens, our monthly blog offering regular insights designed to inspire and elevate your leadership journey.