Why One Critical Comment Can Crush Five Compliments

You know the moment. You’ve just finished a big presentation. People are clapping, complimenting, throwing around words like "impressive," "thoughtful," even "inspiring." Then someone pulls you aside and says, “Can I give you a little feedback?”

And that’s all you can think about for the rest of the week—that one critical comment.

How can one critical comment outweigh five pieces of praise? And what can we do about it?

Here are three things I share with leaders I coach:

• First, know this: your brain is wired for threat, not balance.

It’s not a character flaw. Evolution taught us to scan for danger, not applause. The sting is normal.

• Second, check the story you're telling yourself.

Often, the one critical comment isn’t what hurts—it’s the meaning we assign to it. “I’m not good enough.” “They saw through me.” “I failed.” Try separating the facts from the fears.

• Finally, ask: what would a leader I admire do with this?

Strong leaders don’t crumble in the face of critique—they look for the lesson. If there’s truth in the feedback, use it. If not, let it go. And don’t forget to let the praise in, too. You earned it.

Let’s make space for both the challenge and the cheer. There’s growth in each.

If you or your team are navigating this kind of leadership challenge—or looking to grow in the face of feedback—TheLeaderNetwork is here to help. We work with leaders and leadership teams ready for meaningful change, deeper connection, and powerful learning.

Reach out anytime for coaching and mentoring support. We’d love to work with you.

---

Did you find this post useful?

Be sure to subscribe to The Leader’s Lens, our blog offering regular insights designed to inspire and elevate your leadership journey.